


How To Love Your Body In Ten Steps

by orphan_account



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Dysphoria, F/F, F/M, Fluff, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Poetry Slam, Slam Poetry, Transman, Triggers, Written words, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2015-11-03
Packaged: 2018-04-29 20:35:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5141663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a collection of the written word or slam poetry being told by all of our favorite Hetalia characters! Some poems may be triggering for some people but hopefully it won't be all that bad. With that being said, enjoy~</p>
            </blockquote>





	How To Love Your Body In Ten Steps

**Author's Note:**

> And idea I had gotten while listening to a poetry slam marathon and found this wonderful piece written by Ollie Schminkey. It might be triggering for people who get dysphoria easily by certain things that would be said in it.
> 
> ~
> 
> Lovino is finally comfortable in his body and decides to go back to the small hidden building for poets such as himself for a slam session about some very repressed feelings.

It was the first time that Lovino would go out to a poetry jam since coming out and he was very, _very_ nervous about messing up. He had first came to the small building when he had to hide from the rain and it was poetry night. He stayed until the last poet left and asked all of them questions like how they had gotten their inspiration for what they had written. It was amazing how much feeling and emotions went in to every word they said and he knew that he had to write one.

Now that he was a junior in highschool, he felt like it was high time to finally finish the one he had been working on for what felt like years. It had started off at the beginning of the year when he joined a club who he could even go as far as to call his family then one night after something happened, he just started ranting off in his room. Feliciano had to come in and help his brother calm down then suggested that he should write down everything he was feeling at the moment. 

And he did just that. But once all was good with him again he hid away the written piece until he had just recently found it. He had only showed it to his brother and with a lot of convincing, Lovino decided to share it with the world. 

Tonight was the night he would stand on stage and pour his heart out to people who he didn't know but they all accepted him either way. It was like a little community that he had grown to love over the years. 

Feliciano, Antonio, and Ludwig came and they were currently sitting on the sidelines since tonight was fairly packed. Lovino saw his brother give him a thumbs up when he stood in front of the microphone, encouraging looks coming from the other two. 

Taking a deep breath, Lovino went to his happy place to remember every last word of the piece and began to speak. 

**"How To Love Your Body In 10 Easy Steps."**

Just at the first sentence he could see the crowd have intrigued looks on their faces. He kept his eyes on the lamp in the distance to keep himself from panicking and messing the entire thing up for himself. 

**"One, stop eating. You may not think you are fat but eating less will make you feel as if you have control.**

**Two, pretend you believe in God. It will give you a reason for why you have no control.**

**Three, welcome the anxiety as a friend. Bring it with you to every social function and hold it close to you when you sleep. This anxiety is the only guarantee you will feel anything."**

The Italian teenager paused for a quick second to take another breath in, letting his eyes wander across the sea of people. Most looked as if they have heard better and the rest seemed to be very interested and loving the words that came out of his mouth. A floating feeling rose up in him and Lovino became more comfortable with the ways he spoke. 

He then looked at his boyfriend of one year and three months, sitting at a booth close by with a thoughtful look on his face as he was hanging onto everything single thing that was shared with everyone in the room. 

**"Four, read the comment after pro-transgender articles. Read every person who calls you a mistake and invite them into your home. Construct an altar each time they call you a freak. Unnatural. Unlovable. The Catholic Church reserves a special spot for you in hell. Take this as a compliment. Believe these insults as if they were prayers.**

**Five. Bind your chest, Bind unsafely, bind for too long. This binding is the only way that you could trick yourself into feeling complete. Run, even though your lungs can't fully expand due to constriction. It will hurt when you breath, and you could puncture a lung from the pressure. Be grateful. A lung full of blood is a quicker death than most people would wish for you."**

The last sentence caused people to take in gasps and a few snaps as well. His own chest began to feel tight and his binder felt more constricting but also free and loose at the same time. Feliciano knew that before Lovino had officially came out that he had been binding unsafely. It had first started with the ace bandages but Feli didn't know why he would find them lying around so he never asked. Then it was when Lovino had ordered the work out sweat wraps and would put two on his chest then the bandages. 

Feliciano knew once he found his brother passed out from the lack of oxygen going that there was something wrong so he took him to the hospital and that was when Lovino told his brother. After all the check ups and exams were over the two of them talked and soon bought the elder twin binders. It was a magical day despite how it had started out.

**"Six. Change your name to 'it'. We all know the logical progression 'he/she/it'. 'Man/woman/whatever'. You are the 'whatever'. The most general thing to hate. This 'it' is the closest thing they will give you for a name, or a legal recognition of your gender."**

Lovino raised his voice for this part, eyebrows furrowing and a smile that wasn't quite a smile was placed on his face. This section was difficult to even write but he knew that it was one of the most relatable ones in the whole. 

**"Seven. Blame your body for this. Blame your breasts, blame your cheekbones, blame the places where you bleed. Do not call it what it is. Do not call it 'transgender'. Do not call it 'dysphoria'. Just say 'depression' - no qualifier. Call it self-hate. Call it 'I just need and alone day'. Take your alone day every day!"**

The brunette earned claps by the end of the section, some people who he guessed might be going through the same motions had tears welling up in their eyes and others have an respectful look on their faces. He chuckled lightly to himself then continued, mustering up more courage then pursed his lips together as he remembered what was to come next. 

**"Eight. Pretend you do not still love her."** His voice waved slightly, a small frown showing but continued anyways. This was the part that hit home for him the most. **"Her, the woman inside of your chest. The one who pains your lungs when you need to breathe, the one who binds your mouth. Pretend this is her fault. Pretend that she is only a prescription written for someone else. A bottle of Vicodin you would only become addicted to.**

**Nine. Stay calm. Smile when people spit in your face. Say 'thank you' every time they misgender you. Every time they tell you that you are not allowed to know who you are. Blame yourself for not being a more convenient sin.**

**Ten. Claim this hate proudly. It is how the world had taught you how to love yourself. It is the only way you know how."**

He stayed quite and the light became brighter and loud claps filled the hair along with hooting cheers. People were smiling at him and he could have sworn he saw a few wipe their eyes. He bowed a bit before getting off of the stage, a voice in the speakers saying his name and the name of the poetry. 

There was an adrenaline rush to it all as he made his way to the awaiting booth at the side of the room. Once there he saw that Ludwig was smiling brightly and a very happy Feliciano engulfed him in a bear hug. A loud, over-dramatic groan came from Lovino but he accepted the embrace either way. 

"Get the hell off of me Feli, I can't breath when you hold me that tightly." He whined and pushed the slighter taller sibling off of him which gave out a whine in protest but soon began to bounce on his feet. 

Feliciano looked ecstatic as he started to speak, all feelings were flooded by his extreme proudness for his only brother. "Mi dispiace but I can't help it! You were just so fantastic up there! It was like you were a completely different person and you sounded so amazing and each word that you said was like a peaceful melody and-!" His mouth was soon covered by a hand that belonged to his buff German boyfriend. 

Said boyfriend simply rolled his eyes but offered a smile to Lovino. "You were great." He simply said and Lovino nodded, a light pink tinting his cheeks. "I didn't think you could write such a thing without it having any curse words in it."

"Shut the fuck up you damn potato eater. I wrote this way back when so shut up." Lovino grumbled, reverting back to the old insult he had made for Ludwig when they had first met in the cafeteria. The blonde had been eating potato's and laughed at a joke that Lovino didn't understand so the nickname was born. 

Ludwig sighed though knew he was just being flustered by his teasing. "Antonio is out by the door if you were wondering." He casually mentioned then gasped sharply and his hand flew off of Feliciano's mouth. Turns out that Feli had to lick his boyfriend's hand to get it off of him. Lovino snickered then left his brother to Ludwig's scolding about how that wasn't appropriate in a public setting.

Lovino soon found himself outside and saw Antonio leaning against the side of the building, watching the passing cars drive through the drizzle of rain. He went to go stand besides him, brushing off the water from his face only to have more replacing it afterwards. 

"Come around these parts often?" Antonio tried to stifle a laugh at the awful line that Lovino had just said but ended up laughing, resting his head on the others shoulder as he had to lean down a bit just to do so. 

Antonio came to his senses before replying, his normal smile back on his face. "Only to see you mi amore." He cooed slyly and Lovino chuckled. 

"You better because I can and will stab a bitch if you call anyone else that." He said and nuzzled against Antonio, a soft content sigh coming from him. 

The taller laughed and nodded then looked at Lovino, planting a sweet kiss on his lips that the Italian eagerly returned. The two kissed for a few seconds until Lovino pulled away and Antonio whined slightly and had a small pout. "Now, why didn't you stay inside to greet me?" The brunette asked the taller with a huff. 

Antonio arched a brow before making an 'o' shape and scrunched up his nose in the cutest way Lovino had ever seen. "What you were saying was getting to me..." He responded and looked up at the sky which was a tell tale sign that he didn't know what to say. "I just didn't know that that was how you had been feeling for all this time." He admitted softly then looked back at Lovino.

Lovino became silent before reaching back out to pull Antonio into a hug and it was only then that he saw the slight puffiness underneath his boyfriends eyes. Yeah, he defiantly needed to communicate with the other more. Antonio hugged back then the two started walking down the street, figuring that they would just go to the tallers house since it was rather close to where they currently were. 

A smile took hold over Lovino's face, a warm feeling spreading through his body. "I love you Toni." He said as he nuzzled closer to Antonio, pretending as if it was for heat but neither was complaining. 

"I love you too Lovi."

Lovino was very lucky to have found such an amazing man to call his boyfriend.


End file.
